Trust Orientation: Build Safety Before You Build the Case
I’ve been running online workshops this week on ‘Intentional Influence®‘.
And participants have been discussing, where does influencing start?
When we think about influence — whether in presentations, meetings, or client conversations — many people instinctively go straight to the case: the facts, data, and arguments that will convince others.
Influence, though, doesn’t start with logic. It usually starts with trust.
We humans need safety to be open with each other. That’s why the first principle of learning is psychological safety – to be open enough to take new ideas in.
And if our audience doesn’t feel safe with us, they won’t fully hear our message. They’ll filter, resist, or withdraw.
But when people trust us, they’re open to being influenced. That’s why our first job isn’t to persuade — it’s to create a sense of trust and safety.
The Trust Equation
This is a simple model that I love, because it cuts to the chase and is easy to remember.
Popularised by David Maister & colleagues, it shows how trust works:
Trust = (Credibility + Reliability + Connection) ÷ Self-Orientation
Note that the original model uses the word Intimacy instead of Connection: I’ve used connection as a conceptual interpretation for 2 reasons:
- It simplifies understanding and makes the most sense for my clients.
- Connection is one of the key elements running through my work.
Each element plays out like this:
Credibility — Do you know what you’re talking about? Do your words carry weight?
Reliability — Do you follow through on what you say you’ll do? Can people depend on you consistently? (I’ve found in my own dealings with others that this can often be missing.)
Connection — Do you build rapport and empathy? Do people feel seen and understood when they’re with you?
Self-Orientation — Are you focused more on your audience than yourself? Or does it feel like you’re pushing your own agenda?
Short deadlines and pressure can also make these harder to avoid sometimes!
What’s in the denominator? Self-orientation.
The more people sense that your real focus is you — your win, your agenda, your desire to look good — the weaker trust becomes, no matter how strong your other factors are.
Trust starts before the case in how we show up
And trust isn’t only about what we say — it’s about how we show up:
Did we listen first, before speaking?
Did we acknowledge what matters to them?
Did we show that you understand their pressures and priorities?
Did we give them reasons to believe you’re reliable?
These are subtle signals, but they create the psychological safety that allows the audience to stay open to our message.
Shifting Your Orientation
The mindset shift is simple to say, harder to practise!
Show your audience they matter more than your agenda.
This doesn’t mean you abandon your point of view or avoid advocating for your ideas. It means you orient yourself first to them. Start by understanding, not by convincing. Ask questions. Listen for what’s unsaid. Build a bridge before you carry your argument across it.
Once safety and trust are established, your case lands with far more impact.
Practical Ways to Build Trust
Here are a few habits you can start applying immediately:
Lead with listening. Before launching into your pitch, spend the first moments drawing out your audience’s perspective. Even a short “I’d like to understand your priorities first” shifts the focus. You may think this is obvious: I know from my work that it doesn’t always happen.
Acknowledge shared context. People feel safe when they know you “get” their world. Summarise what you’ve heard or refer to their challenges before making your point.
Follow through visibly. Small commitments build reliability. If you say “I’ll send that by Friday,” send it by Thursday. Each follow-through reinforces safety.
Check your self-focus. Notice moments where your energy is more about proving yourself than serving the group. Reframe: “What do they need right now?”
Influence as an Inside Job
Trust orientation isn’t just a technique — it’s a mindset. When you truly place your audience at the centre, your language, tone, and presence all shift naturally. You show up differently. And ironically, the more you focus on them, the more influence you gain.
So before your next presentation or conversation, ask yourself:
Have I built safety before building my case?
How am I showing credibility, reliability, and connection?
Where might self-orientation be undermining trust?
Once trust is established in these ways, our message carries far more weight – and we’re far more likely to succeed with – and expand – our influence and persuasion goals.
